Assessing Relationships

How does one accurately assess a relationship? Since the beginning, many people have doubted and/or questioned V and I about our decision to maintain a long distance relationship.

Before I left, a couple of girls were saying: “Well, if you’ve only been dating for a month there’s no way you’ll last through 6 months apart, bla bla bla” Or the boys were saying: “Well, you’re in a different country, whatever happens doesn’t count!” (A girl here even said that to me!!). The funny thing is, these people are obviously not experts on relationships, so it got me wondering: How can an outsider judge [the strength of] a relationship? Below are what I believe to be the 4 most used methods, although none of them ever give a 100% accurate assessment.

Length of the Relationship

This is the one that is most often used. Whenever someone says they have a bf/gf the first question is usually: “How long have you been together?” so it would make sense that this is the most common method of assessing a relationship. The main problem with this is that time is very relative. For instance, I’m impressed with anyone who lasts longer than 6 months given my longest was 7. Most people aren’t impressed unless it’s been at least a year and others are not impressed unless it’s numerous years! Despite that, I believe this is probably the most accurate method as it indicates the level of commitment of both parties.

How the Couple Speak About Each Other

By speaking to both parties (separately!) you can get a good feel of how the relationship is. Typically if the other person isn’t around you’ll get an honest feel of what they think of the relationship. Sometimes it will be obvious that one or the other has the “upper hand” (i.e. is ‘whipping’ the other), this usually tells me it’s not going to last. This method comes in 2nd place for accuracy because one (or both) parties could be lying! :)

How the Couple Interact in Public

Watching how a couple behave with each other in public is another way to guesstimate how well the relationship is going. A couple that is all over each other doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is strong but at the same time you might wonder about a couple who barely look at each other when in public. This method of course is not very accurate because the outsider’s perception (discussed below) is what is being used to judge the relationship.

The Outsider’s Past Experience (or lack thereof)

This method can be used if the person hasn’t met the couple, doesn’t know them and has never seen them in public. This is someone who will pass judgement based on their experience. I used to make fun of people in long distance relationships and I would often say: “I can’t even manage to keep a girlfriend in the same city! Forget about long distance!!” Now that I’m in the situation, I can see it’s tough, but definitely doable. This is by far the worst method, because this one has nothing to do with the couple at hand and is usually just the individual’s reflection on relationships in general.

Clearly, the only people who can accurately assess a relationship are the people in it…think twice before you give someone relationship advice! ;)