Before I get started looking inward, I was considering: should one care what other people think? This topic has the potential to go all over the place, so I’ll try to be as concise as possible and I’m going to give the typical consultant answer: “It depends.”
When You Shouldn’t Care
My grandmother often says: “What will people think?!” I find this amusing because note how this seems to imply that the general public actually cares about what I do! This becomes even sillier when we consider the fact that we don’t actually know what someone will (or will not) think because I haven’t done anything yet!
If you are doing (or not doing) things for the sole reason that you’re concerned about what other people will think, I believe this is a problem. I believe it’s important not to drastically change who you are because of what other people think. This also becomes a very tiring/tedious way to live because you constantly have to watch your actions and behaviour to conform to other people’s standards.
I would have to say that in general, I do my best to not bother with what other people think (especially in the last couple of years). However, I must also admit that due to my [relatively strict] upbringing (or perhaps this is also a cultural thing??), there’s still a certain amount of: “I wonder how I will be perceived if I do this…”
When You Should Care
On the flipside, I think it’s completely unrealistic to believe you can properly function in society without caring what others think at all. Can you imagine if someone never listened to any feedback they received over the years about their behaviour? I feel it’s important to be aware of how other people perceive you. If a number of people (from different backgrounds) have given you similar feedback, then odds are they’re not crazy.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you should generally take other people’s perceptions of you with a huge grain of salt. I’ve often found that people tend to project themselves onto others. Thus, people who are generally negative, will not have positive things to say about others most of the time and vice versa.
If someone is telling you something to hurt you or make you feel bad and there’s nothing you can do about it, don’t waste your time. If you’re getting constructive feedback and you can “fix” it, then you should definitely try.
Keeping all this in mind, it’s important to know that whatever your personality is, there will always be those you love you and those who hate you. You can’t please everyone, so why bother wasting time worrying about what others are thinking? Be yourself, do what you sincerely believe is right and let others assume what they want…
I so enjoy reading your philosophical posts Ian.
My opinion on it is that we all care what others think, it’s just how much and whose opinion we value that vary from one to another. As I’ve got older and I have attained certain levels of success in things I do (International musical superstar, Captain of multinational industry admired by millions, Salman Rushdie’s literary advisor, that sort of stuff!)I’ve found that my need to please others has decreased. So perhaps, in my case at least, caring what other people think is something that helps me to measure my “success”. I’ve also found that I have a certain admiration for people who go through life with the mindset of not caring about what others think. They are often the people who are very at ease with themselves.
Your posts really get me thinking! Okay so most friends and family know me well enough to class me as pretty head-strong. Therefore none of them would poke their nose in things that are strictly my business for example what I chose to wear or what career I chose to get into (my dad is a lawyer so everyone thought I’d end up studying law and take over his practice!). However they DO get to have a say in some other choices that affect my life and I accordingly take them into consideration when making certain decisions.
I care much less about the opinions of random people who do not fall in the friends/family category. This doesn’t mean I’m too snotty to take advice from strangers or people I just met, it just means I don’t live in fear ‘what will people think of me’. I consider myself quite comfortable in my own skin so to speak and have little time or energy to waste it wondering about other people’s perception of me. Inevitably, they get it wrong anyway as is obvious when people get to know me better, they always say ‘you’re so different to what I thought about you when I first met you’. Too damn right!
It is for me anyways, that to do my best is all that is needed so what others will think of me will be history!
other’s ppls opinion/s about me did concern/worry me when i was younger but all that changed when i hit 30.. i couldn’t give a rats arse what anybody thinks not even friends/family..i just do as i please now,no worries at all.
I once heard someone explain that almost everybody in the world is so busy worrying about looking good for other people that they don’t notice that everyone else is worried about the same thing. It’s a very powerful feeling to stop and say to yourself, “they’re all dressing up and trying to look good for ME.” Then you don’t worry about yourself as much and you can pay more attention to whatever else you deem important in life.
Kinda interesting, no?
Crowds in general: I don’t care. I will not remember what that person who just passed me could have done to improve their grace, appearance, demeanor, speech or radiance in about 15 steps, unless they were truly outlandish or made a repetitive impression over time; why would they remember more than this about me ? Having this as a consideration is a fantastic way to lose useful life seconds.
True friends don’t care either, unless a change in any of these factors indicates bad tidings or good developments.
General friends & colleagues: case-by-case basis, depending on sympathy, aspirations, detachment, and utility. While it is common to say one does not care, one sometimes must for strategic reasons, sometimes for the sheer joy of association and the learning that ensues, sometimes even through weaknesses of ego (those disappear with time !). IOW, if I cross paths with a recent Nobel Prize winner and would love to have them adedd to my social network, of course I will care what impression I make on them, and how they perceive me, so that the reciprocity might be tweaked in favour of commonality.
Thanks for the comments everyone…very interesting!
I like how most of you seem to not care what others think. I wonder if this is yet another blogger trait?
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