Let’s try and get back into this blogging business… 
In any negotiation scenario, you often hear the term “Win-Win“. Wikipedia defines it as: “a win-win strategy is a conflict resolution process that aims to accommodate all disputants.”
However, can you ever truly accommodate everyone? Isn’t there always a loser? Even if both parties “win”, isn’t there always someone who “wins” more than the other? Or is my thinking just a product of our competitive society where people are either winners or losers? Can it be argued that winning and losing is a question of perspective in more complex situations? Let me give you an example:
The first consulting firm I had applied to rejected me immediately due to my grades. I was a little disappointed, but I got over it very quickly. In my mind I was thinking: “No worries, I know I’m still going to get a good job, so in the end it’s their loss.” Yes, cocky statement, but if we look closer, whose loss is it? I believe this is debatable…
Yes, it was the company’s loss in the sense that they lost a great candidate, but by the same token it was my loss that I didn’t get into this great company. Unfortunately, with this thinking, everyone is a loser and this is not my preferred way of seeing things. Let’s look at a more positive viewpoint…
Given my world view of: “Everything happens for a reason and everything eventually works out for the best.” This “loss” was in theory the best outcome for both parties. Beginning with the company’s perspective: I’m sure they found a candidate that was a better “fit” for their organization. From my perspective: because I was rejected by the first company, I had my resume ready, I got hired by another great firm, I’m enjoying it and I believe I’m a much better fit where I am now. Looking at it this way, both parties are winners.
Although the scenario presented above is in terms of business relationships, I believe this can also be applied to personal relationships. What might appear as a disappointment and/or loss at first is always ultimately for the best…at least that’s how I see things! 
RD – Absolutely right! You’ve actually given me another idea to blog about! Cheers!
Darwin – No worries about the long comment!
Agreed, when you’re in the situation, it’s tough to “see the bright side”, but after you’ve been in many pickles and you see it usually works out, I think it becomes easier and easier to have this type of attitude.
Do you really think relationship rejection would be a “heck of a lot easier” than job rejection? I’d have to think about that one a little more…because in the case of relationships, it IS personal!
Dom – Good to hear from you again!
“Not an outright loss, but not a win.”
True, I suppose in the immediate term someone has to be perceived as the loser. I guess I was trying to think of it in terms of a longer perspective.
What do you think about a situation where someone feels they’ve won. Given that “perception is reality” (yes, that’s debatable as well), can you both win?
For instance (#s are made up): I knew a company where the executives were heading into negotiations with the union about what %age to pay for medical benefits. They were prepared to pay 80%, but the union came in screaming that they wanted 70%. The execs pretended to negotiate, but in the end, they agreed on the 70%. The union believed they won, but in reality (whatever that is), the execs won…
If the “loser” thinks they’ve won, is that a “win-win”?
I guess now we’re getting into more clear cut negotiations rather than “more complex” situations as specified in the entry! 
It’s easier to deal with simply because it’s personal. A guy rejecting me because I don’t bother painting my nails is much easier to stomach than a job rejection. Guy liking painted nails is a moron -it’s down to personal taste and to each his own right? Job not wanting me – a LOT harder to accept.
Darwin – Agreed, someone not liking your nails is pretty dumb, but how is this better than a job rejection exactly?
Because for a job application, you are generally rejected by someone who has made it in the field that you want to get into – it’s like being told by Shakespear that you’d never be a good writer. It’s quite hard to take.
Relationship rejections are easier because it’s personal, because it depends entirely on personal taste with no ‘right’ or ‘wrong – painted or unpainted nails.
Does this make sense? Sorry about going on and on about this but you did ask!
Darwin – No worries about going on and on…I did ask…now pardon ME for dragging this out…
To recap: You consider job rejection to be worse than personal rejection and I feel they’re more or less the same.
I wonder if our difference lies in the fact that we’re in different fields/industries. Now, correct me if I’m wrong (and excuse the gross generalization): In the research/scientific world you typically will get a job due to your specific skill set/knowledge level, regardless of your people skills. In business it happens quite frequently that someone may be lacking the skills, but will get a job based on personality.
I see both as essentially a question of personality. To come back to the Shakespeare analogy:
In business I could see Shakespeare saying: “You’re a terrible writer, but I think you would fit well with the team and I can probably work with you.”
In science he might say: “You’re a terrible writer and I don’t want you near any projects I’m involved in…”
The opposite is also true in business and perhaps more unlikely in science in that you might be brilliant, but a bad “fit”. In which case, Shakespeare might tell you you’re a great writer, but he doesn’t want you on his team…
So do you think we differ because we’re in different fields?
Yeah totally. Scientists have notoriously BAD people skills. It is all about the actual technical skills you have; basically how much of a geek you are. A scientist would never hire someone simply because they’re a good fit, but completely lack the knowledge required to function in a lab.
So that explains our difference in opinion!
Very interesting Mr Selvarajah! I completely agree with your point of view. However, there is something to say about winning and losing.. i believe that these “states of being” have a relevance when looked at in conjunction with Time. In the long run, win-win is possible because things generally work out for the best. However, in the short run it often appears that one party wins more than the other.
The question is.. which time frame is more important to you?
Anton – You’ve brought up an excellent point!! Typically, unless you’re in a life/death situation [I believe that] you should go for the decision that will be better in the long run. Many people make the mistake of choosing to do something that feels good immediately but don’t think of long term consequences. Congrats again on 1st place at CG!!!