Pretension Lithographic Print from Despair.com
I laughed so hard when I saw the above poster for the first time at Despair.com; there’s much more funny stuff, have a look at the site. I find this funny, some find it cocky. Others thought I was cocky for finding it funny. What type of person are you?
How does one define arrogance? I looked it up on Merriam Webster and Wikipedia. Both sites seem to define arrogance the way I would define pretension. Are they one in the same? I’m not sure. The real question is: What differentiates confidence from arrogance? Is it success? Is it how you say things? Is it how people perceive you? Is it how you perceive yourself? Is it if what you say is quantifiable and verifiable? I’ve asked a variety of people how they define arrogance and based on the wide range of responses I think it’s safe to assume that (similar to beauty) arrogance is in the eye of the beholder.
I was often concerned with appearing arrogant, but it took me a few years to realize the following: People who assume others are cocky are typically insecure with themselves.
Most of my stories that can sometimes come across as cocky are more to say: “If someone like me can do it, believe me, so can you!”. I feel that arrogance/cockiness becomes a problem when you believe that you’re better than others and as a consequence, you often become unapproachable. I don’t think people are comfortable talking to arrogant people (feel free to disagree).
When I was traveling, I asked someone who’s very intelligent, very good at what he does and someone I respect a lot if he thought I was cocky. His response was: “Ian, you’re so f*cking good at what you do, you don’t have to say a word. Trust me, people will just know.” What I liked about his response (besides the obvious ego booster) was that he sets a good example for this type of behavior. He’s done a lot of interesting stuff in his time and has a few skills most people wouldn’t guess at first glance, but since he doesn’t speak much, you’d never know unless you asked.
This brings us to a whole new topic: Humility. I don’t believe I’m arrogant. Can I be more humble? Definitely. More on humbleness another time…
In my own case I don’t believe that I am a confident or an arrogant person per se. My level of confidence or arrogance varies according to which area of my life, or which specific skill, it’s in relation to. That may indicate I’m more of a fickle person, more of a chameleon than others, or is it the case with all?
great post. i’ve wondered about this as well.. i think there’s a v fine line between being confident and arrogant but as u said arrogance is in the eye of the beholder. i’d rather be quietly confident altho there are times i have sensed myself bordering on arrogance at work or amongst my peers (doesnt happen often)and i remind myself to tone it down a notch. when u work as a junior in a hospital where super male egos (surgeons)and the ‘god complex’ are in abundance u learn fast about the hierarchy of arrogance.. was not a pleasant learning experience for me :(
I *LOVE* those posters, I actually discovered them about two years back and I love the sarcasm. I’m actually contemplating buying one for my office in the lab.
Re: your post. I stand by what I said last time. Even if it’s justified, people who boast about their achievements put me off. There is an expression I read in “Focault’s Pendulum” by Umberto Eco; Ma gravte la nata which apparently means ‘Take out the cork’. You say it to one who is so full of himself, the idea being that what causes him to swell and strut is the pressure of a cork stuck in his behind. Take out the cork and he returns to ‘normal.
I love it!
There is such a fine line between being super confident and arrogant that most successful individuals are arrogant. I have met very few successful people who are down to earth. The best way to deal with arrogant people is to ignore them completely. tried and tested by me many times :)
I’m not pretentious or arrogant.
I am extremely humble.
There is no one in the world more humble than me. Anyone who says they are more humble are lying.
YOU HEAR ME! I AM THE MOST HUMBLE PERSON OF ALL TIME!!!
I would definitely say it’s in the eye of the beholder. I wouldn’t have always said so, but people will think whatever they want to think about you regardless of reality. Since I used to be so shy I often got mistaken for a snob: not true, but it was easier for others to write me off that way than give me the benefit of the doubt. Same story with your confidence, rather than accepting it for what it is, people decide to write you off as cocky so they don’t have to give you any benefit.
Which brings us to the real question here: why are we all so insecure that we need to assume bad things about others in order to feel better about ourselves? I truly believe this is what it comes down to. Or is it just me?
i went thru that site.. it sure did have some good stuff for a great laugh!:-)
My level of confidence certainly varies with my moods and all..but arrogance, now that doesn’t happen too often…
as for being humble, we are to judge who we are first..so i know i’m a humble person..but there are times it’s gets kicked off too.. but it’s not that bad..
Arrogance is a sin but the kind of sin that can make you rich here in the U.S. I struggled with it from a cultural standpoint because I came from a place where you did not brag even if you were good…
Nevertheless, my experience has taught me that an overdose of humility gets you kind words, an overdose of confidence gets you noticed. You more or less have to constantly sell yourself out here because things are so competitive.
So be arrogant and ready to back it up :)
Preaching for humbleness with the screen name Lady Divine. Now that’s funny :)
I’d liek to think I’m confident and friendly.
People haven’t said that I come across arrogant. But I have had a few people say that they fear I privately judge their lifestyle due to my religions convictions.
You can’t win with everyone.
I think u come across as confident, intelligent and friendly Ian.
:)
I have to definitely agree with the fellow you met on your trip about the part of ”you don’t have to say a word. Trust me, people will just know”. I think most people will consider that; one as crossed the ”arrogance” line when he feels the need to brag about himself or is knowledge. There is a great article about Steve Nash in the 2006 Toro’s sports edition that touches upon this same subject. He mentions’ the fact that in the NBA most players are viewed as arrogant given their characteristics (salary, social status, achievements) and also due to the very nature of the game. He goes on by positioning himself as a non-arrogant player in an arrogant player environment. He then raises the following question: ”Why am I humble? Is it really because I am or is it just because I am not confident enough to brag about my achievements”.
I think a parallel can be made with publicity (word-of-mouth) VS. Advertisement, were one is seen as more intrusive and arrogant (advertisement) and the other (W-o-m) is regarded as being more genuine given that others do it for you. I think Blogs are also reinforcing this very well.
So I think slowly the world is become more humble…or hypocrite enough to seem more humble…
Stevie B
p.s. Shout-outs to Dom and Ian.I’m so gangsta with my shout-outs
Interesting discussion – What about do you think about confidence vs arrogance when it comes to dating?
http://sophiasparx.blogspot.com/ has a discussion on that.
Very thoughtfull post on confidence .It should be very much helpfull
Thanks,
Karim – Creating Power
[...] in mind at the same time… being aware of one’s strengths and weaknesses… having confidence and self-respect… having a sense of humor and not sweating the small stuff… getting [...]