Changing Lives » Girls

Speed Dating Take 2

Ian Selvarajah — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 00:09:00 +0000

Me: I mean, come on, no one really comes here expecting to meet their future boyfriend/girlfriend right?
Girl#1 (surprised): So you’re just here to make friends???
Me: …Ooohhhh…I guess you did…

A couple of friends and I are working on a new business concept dealing with singles/dating, so yesterday afternoon we were doing some research on the competition. It turned out that one of our potential competitors was having an event that night, so I said: “Is anyone up for some market research?” and the rest is history. I had already been speed dating about 3 years ago, but I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised this time…

3 Years Ago

When I went 3 years ago, I had prepared several characters/personalities that I was going to use with the various women: an immigrant who arrived the day before, an alcoholic, a religious nut, someone still hung up on his ex, Borat, someone who was hearing voices, etc. I was extremely disappointed when I arrived and noticed that A) the layout had all the girls sitting next to each other so they would be able to hear all my bizarre conversations and B) they were all French-speaking, so the jokes wouldn’t really work! My fun idea was ruined, but in the end, I still had a few good stories come out of that night.

Yesterday

Since this was more for research purposes, my buddy and I were able to have a bit more fun with it. The downside, again, was that although some of them were bilingual, out of the ~16 girls, only 3 really spoke English. My humour is of the witty/clever variety, so most of the conversations in French were, unfortunately, pretty generic. My buddy (who is French, but usually speaks English) even said it was awkward trying to explain what he did and to be smooth in French.

The upside, was that the venue was cooler, so now we know how much of a difference the venue can make and the majority of the girls were half decent and were capable of handling a conversation for 5 minutes. We also found out that engineers make up the bulk of speed daters… interesting! Overall, I’d say it was definitely a productive evening!

What Surprised Me

3 years ago, the majority of people (men and women) at the event seemed very awkward. At yesterday’s event, most of them appeared to be intelligent and decent looking, so I wondered: “Similar to online dating, has speed dating now become more mainstream and “normal” people are giving it a shot?”

Assuming that people are ever-willing to experiment with new dating concepts/methods, I believe my idea should work well, but I’ll explain it in further detail later on.

If you’ve never been speed dating, I definitely recommend it as a fun evening experience. This is what I told a guy who seemed pretty nervous before the event: “Worst case scenario: you come out with a few funny stories to tell. Best case scenario: you meet someone amazing. Hopefully you fall somewhere in the middle!!”

Have you ever been speed dating? Would you try it?

My Ideal Woman – 4 Years Later

Ian Selvarajah — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:06:00 +0000

4 years ago today, I wrote my “About Women” post that described, in great detail, the type of woman I was looking for. Obviously, it was meant to be tongue in cheek, but I wondered how much, if at all, things have changed from when I was 22 given that I’m now older and presumably wiser (or not!).

My bullet point “requirements” from 4 years ago are still more or less true, but several of them have evolved to allow for a little more flexibility. Most are also very specific, so a “wiser” Ian will present his ideal woman a little more eloquently. Here are the main characteristics* I’d be looking for in my “ideal” woman:

Intelligence
… EQ over IQ (in my books)
… being able to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time
… being aware of one’s strengths and weaknesses
… having confidence and self-respect
… having a sense of humor and not sweating the small stuff
… getting it
… understanding basic math
… being able to adapt to new situations and surroundings

Trustworthiness
… the cornerstone of any relationship
… being open and honest
… having integrity in all situations

Humaneness
… putting others before yourself even in small things
… making a difference
… being merciful, compassionate, understanding, forgiving
… believing in something

Courage
… taking risks
… jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for fun
… staying in a creepy house in a shady area of a developing country
… speaking up for those who can’t speak for themselves
… doing the right thing
… having a sense of adventure

Sternness
… being fair and just
… saying what needs to be said
… being strict when necessary

Bonus points to the person who tells me where these 5 traits come from as I’ve mentioned them on this blog before! Am I still being too picky???

*Note that all these characteristics can apply to men, so ladies, feel free to use this check list as well!

Looking at Ring Fingers and Boobs

Ian Selvarajah — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 04:52:00 +0000

Now that I’ve got your attention with the word “boobs” in the title, I do have a serious question to ask.

At some point last year, I hit the age where I look at women’s ring fingers when I speak to them. NOT because I perceive every female as a “target”, but it’s more of a curiosity/habit thing now. I guess I became more sensitive to this as several of my friends were getting engaged and/or married.

Today, I met some women and found myself looking down at their ring fingers. I know women check men’s ring fingers as well, but I immediately wondered:

Should you be subtle when looking at ring fingers?

I know some of you must be upset by this point wondering: “What does this have to do with boobs!?” Let me explain: Everyone knows that both men and women notice boobs. However, because it’s rude, people try to be subtle about looking. Does the same apply for ring fingers? Obviously I know there’s a big difference because: “Hey, that’s a nice ring!” is probably OK, whereas “Hey, that’s a nice rack!” definitely isn’t.

I’m just afraid that if someone notices you “checking out” their ring finger, they might get the wrong idea. Are you observant enough to notice when someone looks at your ring finger? I’m not. Do you care? Thoughts?

The Game – Do Women Want / Need to be Played?

Ian Selvarajah — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 18:09:00 +0000

I ordered a few books from Amazon that arrived on Tuesday. One of the books I purchased was: “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists“. I heard great reviews from a few of my friends for some time now, so I figured I’d check it out.

Interesting coincidence: A recent episode of Dr. Phil covered this topic and there’s a very good discussion here (found via Honey and Lance).

The book is actually very, very good; no, it’s not just about sleazebags picking up women in bars. It actually delves into a lot of human interaction and psychology. I’m about a third of the way through and I’m enjoying it so far.

I’m the kind of guy who thinks (thought?) that there are some women out there with enough brains and self-respect not to fall for cheap gimmicks or pickup lines (i.e. wife material), but at the same time, I’m beginning to wonder if game is a necessary evil and most women are, in fact, wired a certain way.

In think back to the movie Hitch, when Will Smith says:
“My job is not to deceive, Miss Cole. It’s to create opportunities.”

That’s what it comes down to. You need to have some sort of game to initiate a conversation. I hear far too many women complaining about the lack of “good guys” out there, bla bla bla and yet, I know quite a few nice guys.

Question is: Will you ever give a “good guy” (with no game) the time of day? I doubt it. On the other hand, apparently acting like a jerk, will generally keep a woman interested. Don’t believe me? Just a few personal examples: here, here, here and I’m sure many others will attest to this. Like men, women also enjoy the chase/game, although many of them deny it.

I’ve often said that looking for Miss “Right” and Miss “Right Now” are 2 different things; the latter of course, is easy enough. However, does the approach have to be the same for both? Thoughts?

Getting Phone Numbers and Not Calling

Ian Selvarajah — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:46:00 +0000

As yet another weekend approaches, I’d like to get some feedback about this business of giving out phone numbers…

There have been a few mornings where I’ve woken up and found a couple of phone numbers in my pockets. I would quickly reach over for my camera and see if there were any pictures of women that I could associate to the phone number. In the end, I never called. There have been other times where a girl has given me her number, I did remember her, but I still didn’t call.

When I tell this to some of my female friends they’re like: “Oh my God! You’re one of those guys who doesn’t call!?! How do you know she’s not waiting for your call?!?” Ummm…I’m pretty sure she’s not. Here’s why I don’t call:

1) Many girls give their numbers out because they feel bad, not because they’re actually interested.

2) Many girls give their number to several guys in a given night.

3) Fine, I admit it. Sometimes I’ll get the number for kicks without being interested either.

Is what I’m doing wrong? Do you give your number because you’re too polite to say “I’m not interested!!”? Do you give your number to lots of people in a given night? What do you expect someone to say when they call? “Hi, I’m that random person you met while you were out last night!”?

Picking up Women in Bars: Social Experiments

Ian Selvarajah — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:59:00 +0000

Ladies’ Night photo from ABC News article
I have a [bad] habit of turning bar/club encounters with women into social experiments. The reason behind this, is that I don’t actually believe I’m going to pick up my future wife in a bar, so I don’t take those meetings seriously at all. This is ESPECIALLY true (and fun) if a girl appears to be one of those high maintenance / “all the guys want me” types because I can’t stand them.

Yes, I realize I should give everyone a fair chance and I’m probably missing out on lots of nice girls, but let’s talk about that another time. Here’s what happened last night:

Situation: I’m out having a few drinks with some friends at a lounge in the old port last night. It’s about 02:00, the place is packed and there’s a cute girl (~7.5) sitting next to me being approached by several guys. Unfortunately for the guys, she’s brushing them all off. I decide this could be fun, so I turn around to talk to her:

“I’m curious. How many guys have tried to pick you up tonight?”
She starts counting her fingers and says, “I’ve run out of fingers!”
“Ha ha, wow, good job!”, I start turning back
“Wait, you’re not going to try?”
“Nope.”
She looks very confused, so I explain, “I have a habit of not chasing women.”
“I NEVER chase men!”, she quips back.
“Good. Keep it that way!”, I turn around and keep talking to my buddy.

After about 5 minutes, she taps me on the shoulder and says, “You don’t want to be number 7?”. I [fake] laugh heartily and immediately follow with a straight face: “No.”. After a few more minutes she gets up to leave, so I take her seat. She comes back with a smile and says: “You’re not allowed taking my chair unless you try to pick me up!!”

I don’t chase skirts; but maybe I should? Women make me laugh sometimes…

Something All Women Should Read

Ian Selvarajah — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:39:00 +0000

Trashy Girls Flickr photo by TheDamnMushroom
Last week, I came across an excellent post by Monica O’Brien over at Twenty Set about women needing to get past the “party girl” stage of their lives. – Men Need to Grow Up?

Surround yourself with women: Let’s face it – it’s easy for you to get what you want from men. So stop spending time with men and work with more women. You’re less likely to get things you want by flirting with a woman, so the relationships will teach you how to negotiate and express your ideas succinctly. Women hold other women accountable – use it to your advantage to become a better person.

The whole article is great, but the quote above struck a chord. Several of the girls I know often say: “I have so many guy friends because I just get along better with guys!” While I can understand how this might be the case, most of them are also very attractive. Thus, why certain females get along better with males might be something more subtle…

…don’t tell me how there are no good guys interested in marriage. … Don’t fool yourself into thinking your outward beauty means you’ll never end up alone. …give guys a reason to want to settle down. Be interesting. Be lovely. Be someone worth giving up bachelorhood for.

Amen!

My Model Airplane

Ian Selvarajah — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 02:07:00 +0000

Building a Model Airplane
(pic from New Deal Network)

Since the age of 13, my friend and I get together every 2 years or so and build a model airplane. Every time, without exception, after carefully building it, we smash it to pieces and part ways for a couple of years. I’m not sure why we keep smashing it, but we do. We both know we’re going to smash it when we’re done and yet we keep building it conscientiously. Somehow, we keep crossing paths and go through the same pattern. I suppose history does repeat itself.

In June, it was about that time (~2 years had passed), so we got together to build our model airplane. This time however, something different happened: this time, maybe we both thought we could appreciate the final model itself rather than the challenge of building it. This time, we even took it a step further and carefully painted it. This time, before we could smash it, the airplane took off at 06:07 this morning.

Now I wonder: if it hadn’t left, would we have smashed it again? When it comes back (and I’m pretty sure it will), will we want to keep working on it? Who knows? Either way, it’s always fun and only time will tell how this will play out…

Good Customer Service or…

Ian Selvarajah — Mon, 29 May 2006 13:31:00 +0000

…did she want me?

While I was away in Sweden, my Canadian SIM card got lost so I had to buy a new one. On Saturday morning I went to the Roger’s boutique and asked how much a new SIM was. The girl told me it was $25 and she could activate it on the spot. “Great”, I thought. She asked me for my number and proceeded to check/reactivate my account.

There was some confusion, but as always, I was very polite and kind. Since she was cute, I was joking around with her as well. She finally managed to activate the SIM. I didn’t remember my plan details, so I asked her to tell me. She said that I have the best possible plan available and that for some reason I have free voicemail and a credit for my monthly system access fee. Fantastic.

“No problem, I’ll give it to you.”, she said. I thought: “You’ll give it to me? This is MY plan, of course you’ll give it to me.” I pulled out my credit card to pay for the SIM. She smiled and said, “No, I’m giving it to you. Take it.” She gave me the SIM card for free!

Cute girls and free SIM cards…I love Montreal…

Goodbye V…

Ian Selvarajah — Tue, 23 May 2006 22:58:00 +0000

I was right. I did make a mistake. I’m single again. I’m sad about that for now, but give me a few days and I should be fine (hopefully.).

On Saturday morning I found out that V has been cheating on me since last week with one of her work colleagues. No further questions please.

Yes, I’m really hurt [heart/emotions], but at the same time I know [brain/logic] this is the best thing that could have happened to me. There’s a first time for everything but this one is a double whammy:

First time getting my heart broken (although I’m not sure if this really counts because I fell for someone that wasn’t being herself at all…)
First time knowing what it feels like to be cheated on

I had a much longer entry written up, but decided that despite what was done to me, I would still maintain my class and integrity in this situation. That is all.