Changing Lives » Humor

Speed Dating Take 2

Ian Selvarajah — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 00:09:00 +0000

Me: I mean, come on, no one really comes here expecting to meet their future boyfriend/girlfriend right?
Girl#1 (surprised): So you’re just here to make friends???
Me: …Ooohhhh…I guess you did…

A couple of friends and I are working on a new business concept dealing with singles/dating, so yesterday afternoon we were doing some research on the competition. It turned out that one of our potential competitors was having an event that night, so I said: “Is anyone up for some market research?” and the rest is history. I had already been speed dating about 3 years ago, but I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised this time…

3 Years Ago

When I went 3 years ago, I had prepared several characters/personalities that I was going to use with the various women: an immigrant who arrived the day before, an alcoholic, a religious nut, someone still hung up on his ex, Borat, someone who was hearing voices, etc. I was extremely disappointed when I arrived and noticed that A) the layout had all the girls sitting next to each other so they would be able to hear all my bizarre conversations and B) they were all French-speaking, so the jokes wouldn’t really work! My fun idea was ruined, but in the end, I still had a few good stories come out of that night.

Yesterday

Since this was more for research purposes, my buddy and I were able to have a bit more fun with it. The downside, again, was that although some of them were bilingual, out of the ~16 girls, only 3 really spoke English. My humour is of the witty/clever variety, so most of the conversations in French were, unfortunately, pretty generic. My buddy (who is French, but usually speaks English) even said it was awkward trying to explain what he did and to be smooth in French.

The upside, was that the venue was cooler, so now we know how much of a difference the venue can make and the majority of the girls were half decent and were capable of handling a conversation for 5 minutes. We also found out that engineers make up the bulk of speed daters… interesting! Overall, I’d say it was definitely a productive evening!

What Surprised Me

3 years ago, the majority of people (men and women) at the event seemed very awkward. At yesterday’s event, most of them appeared to be intelligent and decent looking, so I wondered: “Similar to online dating, has speed dating now become more mainstream and “normal” people are giving it a shot?”

Assuming that people are ever-willing to experiment with new dating concepts/methods, I believe my idea should work well, but I’ll explain it in further detail later on.

If you’ve never been speed dating, I definitely recommend it as a fun evening experience. This is what I told a guy who seemed pretty nervous before the event: “Worst case scenario: you come out with a few funny stories to tell. Best case scenario: you meet someone amazing. Hopefully you fall somewhere in the middle!!”

Have you ever been speed dating? Would you try it?

Older Woman, Younger Man – Senior Age Difference

Ian Selvarajah — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 02:59:00 +0000

Senior Citizens pic from Prairie County, Montana

Since I insist on sharing funny/strange emails I receive with you guys, I couldn’t resist sharing this one. As always, names have been removed to protect the innocent and once again, my thoughts as I read the email are in blue.

The chart the lady is referencing is my famous

Male/Female Age Relationship Gap Chart

Hi Ian,

Your chart is very interesting. I’ve been in a relationship with a man 42, my age is 65 of course look very young ["very" young like 55?]. He tried to get me to date him for 8 months, until finally I did. [Wow, I never realized that senior citizens were also playing the dating game?]

Well that was 6 months ago today. The reason I know it was6 months ago today,

[is] because he told me so. He told me he looks forward to the next 6 and the next 6…………that’s just what is said [I guess.]. He spend[s] everyweek end with me and 1 day during the week.

We have decided we may have (if we are lucky) 5 years

[like 5 years to live? people live longer than that?]. I told him we are just setting ourselves up for heart bread [bread? Oh...heart breaK]. My family or his knows about us…………yet [doesn't know about us yet...right]. I will probably say he is 48 [at 65 does saying someone is 48 vs. 42 really make a difference?], since my last 8 year relationship was 16 years younger then I. [Wow, good job! You must look REALLY young!]

Did I read the chart right, that we are in the safe zone [hang on, lemme' check. Nope, sorry.], is [if] so I would like to know why.

Happy Spring,

XXX

Now the internal debate was…do I mess with this person and tell her that they cannot, under any circumstances tell their families because they’re NOT in the safe zone or should I just be nice, honest and tell her my chart is nonsense? Here’s the response I sent:

Hi XXX,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, according to my chart, the 23 year age gap between you and your partner is not in the safe zone. However, I must let you know that my chart is not based on any actual study or scientific fact(s), so please don’t take it seriously. It was simply something I developed one evening when I was bored and had far too much time on my hands. As mentioned in the fine print of the article: “…taking relationship advice from me is probably a really bad idea!”

In the end, I honestly believe that age is just a number and you should be with someone who treats you well and makes you happy, regardless of your age difference! Good luck and all the best!!

Cheers,
Ian

And they lived happily ever after…(I hope!)

Gmail Custom Time – Ethical or Not?

Ian Selvarajah — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:48:00 +0000

Gmail Custom Time: Be on Time. Everytime.

This morning, I saw the “Custom Time” feature on my Gmail and thought: “Wow, I wonder how ethical this is since I’ll be able to hand in assignments late, but they’ll actually be on time?” When I read the section about a limit of 10 per year because then people would lose faith in time, I began to smell something fishy…

As I read the page, I only realized it was April 1st when I read: “…You’ll only be able to send email back until April 1, 2004…” Despite knowing that Google plays a fun April fools joke every year, I seem to fall for it every time!!

That was funny. Thanks Google, for making my April Fools entertaining as always!!

Picking up Women in Bars: Social Experiments

Ian Selvarajah — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:59:00 +0000

Ladies’ Night photo from ABC News article
I have a [bad] habit of turning bar/club encounters with women into social experiments. The reason behind this, is that I don’t actually believe I’m going to pick up my future wife in a bar, so I don’t take those meetings seriously at all. This is ESPECIALLY true (and fun) if a girl appears to be one of those high maintenance / “all the guys want me” types because I can’t stand them.

Yes, I realize I should give everyone a fair chance and I’m probably missing out on lots of nice girls, but let’s talk about that another time. Here’s what happened last night:

Situation: I’m out having a few drinks with some friends at a lounge in the old port last night. It’s about 02:00, the place is packed and there’s a cute girl (~7.5) sitting next to me being approached by several guys. Unfortunately for the guys, she’s brushing them all off. I decide this could be fun, so I turn around to talk to her:

“I’m curious. How many guys have tried to pick you up tonight?”
She starts counting her fingers and says, “I’ve run out of fingers!”
“Ha ha, wow, good job!”, I start turning back
“Wait, you’re not going to try?”
“Nope.”
She looks very confused, so I explain, “I have a habit of not chasing women.”
“I NEVER chase men!”, she quips back.
“Good. Keep it that way!”, I turn around and keep talking to my buddy.

After about 5 minutes, she taps me on the shoulder and says, “You don’t want to be number 7?”. I [fake] laugh heartily and immediately follow with a straight face: “No.”. After a few more minutes she gets up to leave, so I take her seat. She comes back with a smile and says: “You’re not allowed taking my chair unless you try to pick me up!!”

I don’t chase skirts; but maybe I should? Women make me laugh sometimes…

Woman Sits on Toilet for 2 Years?

Ian Selvarajah — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 19:46:00 +0000

Just when I thought I’d heard it all…my coworker sent this article to me a few minutes ago:

Woman Sits on Boyfriend’s Toilet for 2 Years

This sounds completely unbelievable, but here’s a snippet:

“The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that “there was something wrong with his girlfriend,” Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.”

Who are these people??

Charlie Bit Me…

Ian Selvarajah — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:25:00 +0000

Obviously I’m late on this as the video already has well over 6 million views…but I had to share in case some of you haven’t seen it! I love how the older brother is so polite!! “Charlie! That really hurt!”

Found via Heather’s blog

[Stupid] Things to Say to Female Coworkers

Ian Selvarajah — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 14:38:00 +0000

Happy Valentine’s day!!! Given the day, the following incident is very appropriate.

Thinking back to my post a while ago about lame pick-up lines, someone actually wrote the following via IM to one of my colleagues:

“you should be in front of 10,000 cameras projected to millions of viewers, so that viewers can stand in awe of your work skills while also ogling your voluptuous form. The mere presence of your image would for half a day bring an end to all war and strife among the known world, only to be followed by tumultuous chaos that would rival even that caused by the approaching riders of the apocalypse”

“ogling your voluptuous form”
Definitely inappropriate and who combines work skills and voluptuousness in the same compliment??

“…for half a day bring an end to all war and strife…”
LOL

“followed by tumultuous chaos that would rival even that caused by the approaching riders of the apocalypse”
What does that even mean?!?

I know girls like attention, but come on now! Now this, ladies and gentlemen, is [one of the reasons] why many guys are single!

Networking Gone Terribly Wrong

Ian Selvarajah — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:24:00 +0000

Air Canada Maple Leaf Lounge photo from Air Canada
Airport lounges are a great place to network as you meet lots of business travelers. However, I certainly wasn’t interested in THIS type of networking!!

A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in the Air Canada lounge in the Toronto airport waiting for my flight home to Montreal. As I sat down, an older gentleman sitting across from me started talking to me. He seemed to be a nice guy, so we had the regular small talk of: Where are you going? What do you do? etc. He told me that he worked for a large oil and gas firm. Sure enough, always keeping my eyes out for a sale/contact, I asked if his firm used SAP. They did!

We spoke a bit more and as usual, my trip to Sri Lanka came up. It’s usually the direct comparison I offer between doing meaningful work and corporate work. Anyhow, we exchanged business cards and I mentioned that if they ever needed SAP work, that’s what we do, so to keep in touch!

Exactly a week later, I received the following email from said gentleman:
[my thoughts as I read the email]

Hi Ian

I just wanted to tell you that it was very nice meeting you in the Maple Leaf Lounge at Air Canada in Toronto last week.
[Cool, it was nice meeting him as well! Nice guy...]
You were very charming and interesting.
["Charming"? ...Strange coming from a guy, but...alright?]
Your stories on rebuilding the Church was heartwarming.
["Heartwarming"? I guess?]
I was wondering if you had any pictures of yourself to send me.
[WTF!?!!?? Why?!!? Maybe he forgot what I looked like?]
I would luv to invite you down to my home in Barbados, West Indies for a vacation if you wish.
[WTF!?!!?? Awwww…HELLLL NAWWW! NO way...]
Please keep in touch
[Yeeeeaaah, probably not...did I come across as being gay? I wasn't wearing my pink shirt?]

I was so stunned by the email, that, while still looking at my screen, I tapped my colleague on the shoulder, pointed at my screen and said: “Read that!! Is it just me or does that sound gay!?!”

Some funny comments from my friends:
“…so? Did you send him pictures?”
“Yeah, using the word ‘luv’ is about as telling as a rainbow tattoo on the small of your back…”

I was going to title this post “Do I Look Gay?” but I realized that would have killed the punchline. Is there any remote chance I’ve misconstrued this and he was just trying to be friendly?? Before you ask, no I did not email him back…I’ll probably just leave it at that.

Time Freezes in Grand Central Station

Ian Selvarajah — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:56:00 +0000

Came across this really cool “prank” from ImprovEverywhere on BoingBoing today…check it out!

On a cold Saturday in New York City, the world’s largest train station came to a sudden halt. Over 200 Improv Everywhere Agents froze in place at the exact same second for five minutes in the Main Concourse of Grand Central Station.

Fun with 802-681-4148 Telemarketing Scam

Ian Selvarajah — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 20:58:00 +0000

I got a call from a telemarketer a few minutes ago saying I had won a vacation. I’ve received these annoying calls (from other places) before on my cell, so I decided to mess with them. I was a telemarketer once, so I know the WORST thing you can do is string them along till the very end and then say no.

In this case, the scam is that they have to take a “deposit” (don’t know how much) from your credit card. For something similar, see: http://800notes.com/Phone.aspx/1-800-901-2932. I just checked and this is the number they called from: http://800notes.com/Phone.aspx/1-802-681-4148 (Looks like they managed to scam someone for $600!!).

- Hi sir, congratulations! You’ve been selected as our lucky winner for a 7 night bla bla bla
- (Excited) Are you serious!?!?!? Fantastic!!! When do I leave???
- (Excited) Well, sir, I just need to confirm that you qualify!
- Sure, no problem!
- Are you over the age of 21?
- Yes.
- Are you married?
- Yes.
- Do you have a major credit card?
- No.
- Well, does someone at this phone number have a credit card?
- No? Is there a problem?
- (not so excited) Well, our hotels require 2 pieces of ID and a credit card to check-in
- If I won, why do I need a credit card?
- (annoyed) Sir, our hotels require 2 pieces of ID and one is a major credit card.
- Wait, does this mean I don’t win my vacation?!?!?
- Well…
- That’s not fair!! You said I won!!
- The phone number listed won.
- (Confused) My phone number won a vacation?
- …
- That doesn’t make sense. WHY did you DO that? (said in Anchorman tone after they woke up the bears)
- Sir, the person living at this phone number won.
- I live here!
- But you don’t have a credit card!
- I pay everything in cash. I don’t believe in credit cards.
- Yes, so…
- (I interrupt, whispering) I think they’re trying to get me, so I don’t want a paper trail…
- OK sir, I apologize for wasting your time and STOP wasting mine!! (hangs up)

How rude that SHE would hang up on me! At least she apologized before hanging up. I seriously wish I had taped the call…maybe next time. I’m sure these are the same idiots who work with Imperial Cruise Lines (the last scam group).

Want to get rid of telemarketers? Here are some ideas: An Indian telemarketer trying to sell a phone. That one gets a little long. If you want a REAL laugh, listen to this one! A comedian fools a telemarketer into thinking he’s just dialed into a murder investigation…